Remembering…

Because one day they won’t be little anymore…

My first son, Antonio, he’s 12 now.  I used to remember every detail about him 🙂 I thought, how can I forget how adorable that new smile is, how cute those crinkled toes are… and I do, I remember some of those details, but there were so many more. I always thought how can I forget any of this?

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His 12th birthday really hit me hard, I mean I get a little nostalgic with each passing birthday, but this one… how has it been 12 years already? And then my next thoughts, ohh no… I only have 6 more years… and each one is going to go sooo fast… and ugh just as depressing, my youngest, I missed it, looking at her and even my other two boys… I’m already forgetting 😦 and looking back on it, I remember so little of them on my own… yes I have my photos… but they were a hard one to get that real smile on camera, I never thought to take pictures of how little their feet were, (and to be honest my photo skills were less to be desired to say the least) so even if I had thought to capture that one thing that I can honestly say I don’t remember anymore, It wouldn’t have done them justice. Because even though I can’t picture them in my mind, I do remember they were beautiful, every detail about them was beautiful… a lot of details that I can’t remember. One detail in particular… he had a blue ring around his eyes… He had these amazing black eyes with a blue ring… had never seen anything like it, and even though I remember that he had this, I can’t picture it, I can’t see it anymore… a detail I never wanted to forget, I can’t remember it anymore 😦 It seems then that you could never forget every detail, but you will, I can promise this because I went through it too.

Alec

One thing that I regret most about being a mom… I didn’t value photography. Yes you heard it right, this photographer didn’t value photography. I didn’t know how important it was, I didn’t know I would regret it one day, I didn’t know I would miss it. I wish I had known there was more to photography than Wal-Mart, I wish I had saved for those special sessions with someone who could see my children the way I saw them, I saw them in this light, when the light fell through the windows how it made their hair glow, or how the sunshine in the evenings hit their skin…they just looked like little angels… I didn’t know that I wouldn’t be able to picture it later… I know you’ve seen it too, you may not have realized why they just looked so perfect to you, but you’ve seen it. One day you won’t anymore, and you’ll be left like me with nothing to remember it with. It’s a regret you can’t take away… the question is, which of those memories or details are YOU willing to forget? I wasn’t willing to forget any of them… but I didn’t find out till it was too late 😦

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Junior and Lilly

Antonio and Alec

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